Plastics are Burning Again
Arrived back - with my cat in his carrier slung over my shoulder. Waiting, waiting, waiting - for the bus - in the heat, then the dark and surrounded by garbage everywhere under my feet. My camera if I had one would not do it justice. People standing waiting in filth with overturned green plastic trash bins that nobody stands upright and nobody fills.
Wrappers, cigarette butts, drinks, spoons, clothing - all strewn about on the ground near the bus stop intermingling with the fumes from the buses that keep coming but mine eludes. My cat is sick. My money is now spent. I purchased some fruit and vegetables, will crush my grapes from some that I have for kiddush. After this, I do not know what will be. At all. I will resort to begging it seems. Simply go out and beg. That too will be a lesson. I have no humility left. No pride. It is what it is. Consciously or un this situation has manifested because of my fears for my cat Jesse who had a bloodied eye. Not feeling well. We traveled through the towns and cities and fields and then to Rehovot to get to this place lit with flourescent lights, dying plants, a TV blithering, scented cans of deodorant hidden behind the dying plants and a staff clearly using the place as a conveyor belt enterprise. In/out. I could tell from the get go that the *vet* didn't know her stuff. No assuredness in handling a cat. The blood taking a nightmare with a syringe that wouldn't suck, till I said enough. Waiting for half an hour while the results of the tests came in. Then being given a NIS 795 bill. My last money.
They said to give him subcutaneous fluids. I would at home. They refused to allow me to administer to my own cat at home. And so my cat returns with me to this place - nightime - I am dragging a shopping cart behind me and him slung on my shoulder. We enter the gates and a car stops - this doesn't ever happen. Nice woman takes us home from the gate a 4 minute ride but a 15 minute walk.
She raises sheep. I told her that I'd just come from the vet in Rehovot. She was astonished that I spent so much time and money there when there were vets in the area. I didn't know anyone reliable. I thought they were. Now I'm done. I might be able to score some IV bags from her through her vet connection.
I am not feeling well at all. I feel depersonalized - outside of myself - ungrounded. The air again is filled with plastics burning. This can't continue much longer. If it were not for being in this precise situation time and time before in previous reincarnations and dying in an unnatural way (see also by own hand) and then returning only to repeat it all again - I would do it. I would find someone to care for my cats and just bow out. I do NOT want to return. Let me see this lifetime to its resolution - fix whatever needs to and just move upwards and onwards.
It is 4 am. I am worried about my cat, future and Shabbat. I want to cry but can't. Would very much like to just beat the world inside out in fury and rage - and cry in explosive waves - sob these lifetimes of sadness into the next dimension where angels are rattles in their dominions and the stones of all walls are loosened. Let my anguish reverberate like an atomic explosion and shatter all evil, con, defenses, ego and wrongdoing. All black void - all desolution - crushed beneath the roar of the screams of my soul that can not and will not subside.
Wrappers, cigarette butts, drinks, spoons, clothing - all strewn about on the ground near the bus stop intermingling with the fumes from the buses that keep coming but mine eludes. My cat is sick. My money is now spent. I purchased some fruit and vegetables, will crush my grapes from some that I have for kiddush. After this, I do not know what will be. At all. I will resort to begging it seems. Simply go out and beg. That too will be a lesson. I have no humility left. No pride. It is what it is. Consciously or un this situation has manifested because of my fears for my cat Jesse who had a bloodied eye. Not feeling well. We traveled through the towns and cities and fields and then to Rehovot to get to this place lit with flourescent lights, dying plants, a TV blithering, scented cans of deodorant hidden behind the dying plants and a staff clearly using the place as a conveyor belt enterprise. In/out. I could tell from the get go that the *vet* didn't know her stuff. No assuredness in handling a cat. The blood taking a nightmare with a syringe that wouldn't suck, till I said enough. Waiting for half an hour while the results of the tests came in. Then being given a NIS 795 bill. My last money.
They said to give him subcutaneous fluids. I would at home. They refused to allow me to administer to my own cat at home. And so my cat returns with me to this place - nightime - I am dragging a shopping cart behind me and him slung on my shoulder. We enter the gates and a car stops - this doesn't ever happen. Nice woman takes us home from the gate a 4 minute ride but a 15 minute walk.
She raises sheep. I told her that I'd just come from the vet in Rehovot. She was astonished that I spent so much time and money there when there were vets in the area. I didn't know anyone reliable. I thought they were. Now I'm done. I might be able to score some IV bags from her through her vet connection.
I am not feeling well at all. I feel depersonalized - outside of myself - ungrounded. The air again is filled with plastics burning. This can't continue much longer. If it were not for being in this precise situation time and time before in previous reincarnations and dying in an unnatural way (see also by own hand) and then returning only to repeat it all again - I would do it. I would find someone to care for my cats and just bow out. I do NOT want to return. Let me see this lifetime to its resolution - fix whatever needs to and just move upwards and onwards.
It is 4 am. I am worried about my cat, future and Shabbat. I want to cry but can't. Would very much like to just beat the world inside out in fury and rage - and cry in explosive waves - sob these lifetimes of sadness into the next dimension where angels are rattles in their dominions and the stones of all walls are loosened. Let my anguish reverberate like an atomic explosion and shatter all evil, con, defenses, ego and wrongdoing. All black void - all desolution - crushed beneath the roar of the screams of my soul that can not and will not subside.
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