Heartbreak, Panic and Foreboding
It seems this is a constant. My beloved Mati, who has been with me and I with her for the last 15 years is sick. I don't know what is going on, it basically started with a new brand of food. Vomit ensued and then being spaced out, behavior changes and now she is outside again after being outdoors for most of the day. I don't know where she is or what she is doing. The last time she had bloodwork done was last year, indicators of thyroid and kidney issues. It was wait and watch, which I have been doing in between my own health challenges.
She simply does not look well and to take her to a vet - among the vets that I know - who will do what they know so well, to take blood and stress her out, that's not even talking about how to get there - bus or hitchhiking, worst nightmare. Is she eating grass to alleviate her nausea now? Is she going to hide under a tree to find solace? I tried to give her something to eat, she took a bite, pale and frail that she is and just refused the rest. This is 24 hours now. Last night she did not come to sleep with me which is a huge red flag. She is my last of 4. A precious gift from Hashem who put us together so many years ago. We've gone through so much together and she has survived many crises. Every one of them with me there as her helper. A more sensitive, keen, aware and beautiful feline I have not met before. All of my feline allies have been extraordinary, each with their own gifts. Mati was named for Matityahu being that she was born during Chanukah, but her name varied between Miriam (Shabbat and Holidays or just as a pet name) Matikune (because she is doing a tikkun) and Tatyahu (when we're just being silly). She was a foundling, being played with by some small children in Kiryat Arba, a tiny fluff taken from her mama after birth. I did raise her, thinking that I would find her a home after a few months, but I saw how beautiful she had grown to be, and my 3 others were ok with her joining the tribe, so we kept her. And it's been a good ride. A wonderful one. The stories I could tell. But right now, she is outside, I will go to see if she is at the door. What she needs, what can be offered to her, how I can pray for her health and how to get the remedies needed to her. No pain. No pain. No suffering. No suffering.
As for myself, I am beyond beyond. Am relying now on pharmaceuticals to get through today. My mind and heart are fragile with fear. I need strength to endure, to assist my friend in her hour of need. Ana El Na Refa Na La.
She simply does not look well and to take her to a vet - among the vets that I know - who will do what they know so well, to take blood and stress her out, that's not even talking about how to get there - bus or hitchhiking, worst nightmare. Is she eating grass to alleviate her nausea now? Is she going to hide under a tree to find solace? I tried to give her something to eat, she took a bite, pale and frail that she is and just refused the rest. This is 24 hours now. Last night she did not come to sleep with me which is a huge red flag. She is my last of 4. A precious gift from Hashem who put us together so many years ago. We've gone through so much together and she has survived many crises. Every one of them with me there as her helper. A more sensitive, keen, aware and beautiful feline I have not met before. All of my feline allies have been extraordinary, each with their own gifts. Mati was named for Matityahu being that she was born during Chanukah, but her name varied between Miriam (Shabbat and Holidays or just as a pet name) Matikune (because she is doing a tikkun) and Tatyahu (when we're just being silly). She was a foundling, being played with by some small children in Kiryat Arba, a tiny fluff taken from her mama after birth. I did raise her, thinking that I would find her a home after a few months, but I saw how beautiful she had grown to be, and my 3 others were ok with her joining the tribe, so we kept her. And it's been a good ride. A wonderful one. The stories I could tell. But right now, she is outside, I will go to see if she is at the door. What she needs, what can be offered to her, how I can pray for her health and how to get the remedies needed to her. No pain. No pain. No suffering. No suffering.
As for myself, I am beyond beyond. Am relying now on pharmaceuticals to get through today. My mind and heart are fragile with fear. I need strength to endure, to assist my friend in her hour of need. Ana El Na Refa Na La.
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