Every Breath I Take

On 02-02-2020, a good as day as any, I sit and ponder this blog out of commission for so long, being brought back to life, for the sheer laziness and opting out of confusion of starting a new one. This will do. So much has transpired since the last post, my mama cat Chichi passed, as did my 2 others, Jesse and Jordan. We moved, Chichi and Mati and I to the hills of Samaria, not before landing for a stint in Bnei Brak in my late mother's apartment; as we were homeless with no where else to go, my health failing and my mental status at an all time low. We were there for about 2 and a half years during which I had been suffering from intermittent arrhythmia and severe depression. I managed also to develop very strange rashes on my body. Not one doctor was able to say what was going on with me. I tried to focus on finding a more permanent home solution, a place to rest, to breathe fresh air, constantly on the lookout for one place and it did manifest at the last moment. But prior to that, back to depression, was asked just by one doctor about my vitamin D levels as I was sitting in front of her crying about how badly I was feeling. Was it the energies in my mother's apartment? Was it the black mold? Was it the 5 and a half years of breathing in toxins? She just said to get the Vitamin D test. So I did and it came back abysmally low. She told me to take supplements, and I should begin to feel better. The only problem with that was I forgot to ask her dosage and duration and by the time I managed to get the supplements, I just looked up the info and took it for a while, then stopped when it ran out. I was much more involved with getting a place, heeding to ChiChi and her ailments which were vast and finding equilibrium within. I holed up in that apartment. My mother's stuff with my stuff and the cats' stuff and everything electronic mixing with everything iconic and ancient. A combination of cultures and opposites repelling. This was our existence, on the top floor of a public housing apartment, a few meters away from the worst, congested roadway in Israel. I got very bad pneumonia there, winding up in the hospital for rashes and my heart and in between threats from the lawyer handling the sale of the apartment and everything else, I was very close to calling it quits. Always my cats would reel me in. And then the notion that I'd been in tight and uncomfortable situations in previous lifetimes and never persevered, and in this one, I would. So I did. Then took buses to Samaria to see the place, it was virtually the only house that had all that I needed - a bathtub, a garden, no neighbors, quiet, a vista to look out on and a spiritually-inclined community - all within price range. The fact that it was so atrociously far from anything I could need including doctors, hospitals, cat food etc. remained secondary. We moved and the place got majorly flooded at the first rains. It was panic time and we got off to a rocky start. I still remained closed off and reserved, using the time to recoup after 11 years of virtual hell. During the years since we've been here, Chichi as I mentioned, my beloved cat of 18 years passed away and it was truly a heartbreaking time and still is to some extent. There is an empty space that can no longer be filled by a feline. We had a pact she and I, and she did hold on to the last moment. Now, she is buried under a cedar tree. The ground being clay like and unyielding to my clawing and scraping. I put rock upon stone upon rock on her grave, lest she fall prey to the unknown elements out there in the forest. It is 2 years since. I will end here but will continue later or tomorrow. I need to gather my thoughts. Blessings.