I understand the traumatized child
With pericardial effusion, heart failure, the energizer bunny till she falls in full regalia, surrounded by hills of occupation, non-occupation, history and pathos, I venture out towards the city of shilo, the atmosphere of which, still, in spite of her being whored out to the highest bidder, still holds the energy of holiness to those who can comprehend. The entire area is being whored out. The entire country is being whored out. Regardless, I focus on the growing things and the hills that drip and shine from the waters that they hold and release. I notice the rock formations, different in each few meters. A perpetual changing of personality, smooth, ragged, jagged, even, uneven, white, yellow, green. I see it all. An unregulated empath among the collective.
In the rain, if only to garnish some healing. In shilo there is some healing left. I go to furnish myself and my inner kingdom some nourishment for Shabbat. It is always hard for me to be among the masses, since childhood. When the boundaries were first lifted and infiltrated. It is knee-jerk response throughout and now the task is to change the fear/hatred/anger from this infiltration, this sheer messing with my beingness into Zion/Shechina energy.
I hitch-hike with heart failure. Can you hear me my angels. I know you do, scoring me rides hither and back. And in the ride back a conversation between the head of the school and a teacher discussing a rabid and unruly, angry and unregulated boy. What to do. Headmistress says to elevate. To see the good in the child and to work on this aspect. To judge for good. I agree. But then she delves into medication as if to assuage. In this I do not. Simply because to re-regulate a child traumatized requires the soft landing into a space of *I accept you, your are accepted, this is how you are accepted, this is the time, space, beingness of you that is accepted and this is how*. The how is the tachles of nature. It must be. Through animals, farming, the sight and integration of nature within. The learning of the soul to be in this world in safety. In this, nature is the remedy.
I did not say a word. She, in full angelic mode did in fact take me in this ride to my destination. And me, in full Baalat Teshuva mode did in fact do many Modah Ani's. Strengthening my emunah. Bit by bit. Ride by ride. Interaction by extraordinarily painful interaction. First the veil is lifted, then it is embroidered back in the tapestry of the heart that holds to love as the vibration from which God Himself communicates.
In the rain, if only to garnish some healing. In shilo there is some healing left. I go to furnish myself and my inner kingdom some nourishment for Shabbat. It is always hard for me to be among the masses, since childhood. When the boundaries were first lifted and infiltrated. It is knee-jerk response throughout and now the task is to change the fear/hatred/anger from this infiltration, this sheer messing with my beingness into Zion/Shechina energy.
I hitch-hike with heart failure. Can you hear me my angels. I know you do, scoring me rides hither and back. And in the ride back a conversation between the head of the school and a teacher discussing a rabid and unruly, angry and unregulated boy. What to do. Headmistress says to elevate. To see the good in the child and to work on this aspect. To judge for good. I agree. But then she delves into medication as if to assuage. In this I do not. Simply because to re-regulate a child traumatized requires the soft landing into a space of *I accept you, your are accepted, this is how you are accepted, this is the time, space, beingness of you that is accepted and this is how*. The how is the tachles of nature. It must be. Through animals, farming, the sight and integration of nature within. The learning of the soul to be in this world in safety. In this, nature is the remedy.
I did not say a word. She, in full angelic mode did in fact take me in this ride to my destination. And me, in full Baalat Teshuva mode did in fact do many Modah Ani's. Strengthening my emunah. Bit by bit. Ride by ride. Interaction by extraordinarily painful interaction. First the veil is lifted, then it is embroidered back in the tapestry of the heart that holds to love as the vibration from which God Himself communicates.
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