Little Pieces Scattered on the Emergency Room Floor

Two trips to the ER in less than 7 days. Things are not what they could be. It could be better. It could be sublime. It could be paradise. It could be a whole new world. Like looking down at a departed body, I am that soul. In sorrow  I find myself in this state. It could be so many things and then it could all be chalked down to my parathyroid. Or not. For every 10 doctors seen, 10 different opinions and everyone seems to be missing the mark. It would appear that this is not ordinary, because if it were, logic computes, there would be stats, labs to support a systematic malady, one symptom of which being elevated PTH. Perhaps even daring to venture and hypothesize by adding another and that would be elevated blood pressure inclusive of pain.

I'd like to say it was a beautiful day, the elegance of green emerging from grey is splendid and the birds' forthcoming banter is uplifting to the mind body. Yes, said but not quite felt. It seems I move through air with a heaviness of body though not quite in body. Somewhere de-linear in time and space. It is the pattern of weariness, I believe that has overtaken my soul. There is still much to be grateful for. Being able to continue to conceptualize, however minute the meanings might be. There is still comprehension. Surely there is a plan for me, extrication from misery might just be it. Suffering however, still isn't clear whether it is in fact optional or built-in for extra karma burning effectiveness.

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