Resolution

Been through this before.
In different time periods.
Same soul, different times.
Gotten so far, broke and exited.
For whichever reason. I still don't know.
Callousness. Mine, yours, theirs. Indifference.
Turning the other way when my brother or sister
was dying.

Again. Crossroads. I keep on. For my cats.
The insurers. That I won't off myself before my Time.
To see things to their ending. Not before their time.
As designated. As Willed. As Planned.
Not before.
Not according to my ego's wishes.
Accoridng to the Creator's Plan.

And in the interim suffering.
Much.
And this is how it must be.
Till. Till. Till
I get it.
See it.
Understand it.
Experience it.
Know it.
Live it.
Love it.
Accept it.
Embrace it.

My brother's suffering.
My sister's suffering.
My people's suffering.
My own suffering.
Is one.
Is one.
Is one.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Heart Palpitations - Severe Panic Attack

I managed to drive myself into a full-blown panic attack. Mati is not eating, I went out to some neighbors to find an IV set, nobody had one, had one that was used at home, went back, Mati was outside, she entered not before I tried to give her something to eat, she took one bite and started to meow. I went into panic, administered her IV subq, she went outside again. In between preparations for Shabbat, everything from clothes, to salad, to cholent, to making her a slurry, to preparing colloidal silver to actually sewing together 3 blankets I managed to score at a thrift shop so that when people come over to sit on my sofa that I made, that it would be more comfortable. I sewed them together then folded everything and sewed it into half so the cushioning would be more. Now my heart is beating so fast. I tried everything from minerals to wine to weed, to breathing to not thinking now will pray. Shabbat Shalom of healing
Read more

Heartbreak, Panic and Foreboding

It seems this is a constant. My beloved Mati, who has been with me and I with her for the last 15 years is sick. I don't know what is going on, it basically started with a new brand of food. Vomit ensued and then being spaced out, behavior changes and now she is outside again after being outdoors for most of the day. I don't know where she is or what she is doing. The last time she had bloodwork done was last year, indicators of thyroid and kidney issues. It was wait and watch, which I have been doing in between my own health challenges. She simply does not look well and to take her to a vet - among the vets that I know - who will do what they know so well, to take blood and stress her out, that's not even talking about how to get there - bus or hitchhiking, worst nightmare. Is she eating grass to alleviate her nausea now? Is she going to hide under a tree to find solace? I tried to give her something to eat, she took a bite, pale and frail that she is and just refused the
Read more

Yeru-Shalayim

Didn't sleep last night. A total haul to make myself available to Jerusalem and git there. Physically. Just make the bus that involves walking distances, getting to another city and then waiting for the bus. Had my schedule. Started out at 4:00 am. Just to be sure. Then went into automatic. Dressed in paint spattered clothes (on the inside - but still I knew), found other odds and ends to don myself with. Wrapped my head in a scarf and mandatory sunglasses and hit the road at 7 something. Arrived at the next destination - waited another 10 minutes - bus came and we hit the road. I can't BEGIN to tell you - how utterly blown away I felt at FINALLY LEAVING this place and heading UP. It's been a LONG, dragged out, bloody, dusty, fiery, angst-ridden, pathetic time here and leaving it after a year and not seeing Jerusalem for almost 2 - well I was riveted to the window taking it all in, praying that the green trees, my pines, my blessed pines would remain with me as memory. The
Read more