Pressure on My Heart

Had to venture out
No food - no thing
for any one
at all.

I walk with a stroller
because if I faint
I can always crash
into it first and
not onto pavement

Wheels serve double
duty as grocery cart
while holding me up
getting to the bus
stop - would video it
but the camera is too
heavy

It's a long walk onto
the highway
the middle of no where
crossing over to the
other side
and then waiting
waiting waiting for the bus

and it comes in due time
B"H

Coolness envelopes

Then the long bus ride
into the desert my eyes
focused on open spaces
and gleaning the energy
I will need when I dis
embark into the heat

Eyes averted down
down
The stroller opened
I lean and breathe
and hope I can make
it - dizzy now
been feeling low
since yesterday
stomach et al

Shopping for food
is hellish trying
to maneuver away
from crowds, into
faster lanes and
get out out out
as soon as possible
without fainting

Heart starts
beating so fast
I can't catch my breath
sweat is pouring from
my brow - I reach for
the water and just drink
gasping gasping gasping

Asking for help from
the hordes of Jewish
soldiers near the bus
help help I need help
And they see my face
whatever I look like
pioneer, settler, sick
person white as a ghost
with two scarves on
purple and green
And they heave
stroller and goods
into the bus for
me and it takes
a good 20 minutes
for my heart to return
to its state of just
gentle pounding.


I arrived home and this
is a miracle. I am claiming
it - here - now - for you to know
THIS IS A MIRACLE
that I was able to go
get food, walk - return
without dying.

Hashem is merciful to all of His creatures.

Amen,
Selah
Va-Ed.

Take NOTE!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Heart Palpitations - Severe Panic Attack

I managed to drive myself into a full-blown panic attack. Mati is not eating, I went out to some neighbors to find an IV set, nobody had one, had one that was used at home, went back, Mati was outside, she entered not before I tried to give her something to eat, she took one bite and started to meow. I went into panic, administered her IV subq, she went outside again. In between preparations for Shabbat, everything from clothes, to salad, to cholent, to making her a slurry, to preparing colloidal silver to actually sewing together 3 blankets I managed to score at a thrift shop so that when people come over to sit on my sofa that I made, that it would be more comfortable. I sewed them together then folded everything and sewed it into half so the cushioning would be more. Now my heart is beating so fast. I tried everything from minerals to wine to weed, to breathing to not thinking now will pray. Shabbat Shalom of healing
Read more

Heartbreak, Panic and Foreboding

It seems this is a constant. My beloved Mati, who has been with me and I with her for the last 15 years is sick. I don't know what is going on, it basically started with a new brand of food. Vomit ensued and then being spaced out, behavior changes and now she is outside again after being outdoors for most of the day. I don't know where she is or what she is doing. The last time she had bloodwork done was last year, indicators of thyroid and kidney issues. It was wait and watch, which I have been doing in between my own health challenges. She simply does not look well and to take her to a vet - among the vets that I know - who will do what they know so well, to take blood and stress her out, that's not even talking about how to get there - bus or hitchhiking, worst nightmare. Is she eating grass to alleviate her nausea now? Is she going to hide under a tree to find solace? I tried to give her something to eat, she took a bite, pale and frail that she is and just refused the
Read more

Yeru-Shalayim

Didn't sleep last night. A total haul to make myself available to Jerusalem and git there. Physically. Just make the bus that involves walking distances, getting to another city and then waiting for the bus. Had my schedule. Started out at 4:00 am. Just to be sure. Then went into automatic. Dressed in paint spattered clothes (on the inside - but still I knew), found other odds and ends to don myself with. Wrapped my head in a scarf and mandatory sunglasses and hit the road at 7 something. Arrived at the next destination - waited another 10 minutes - bus came and we hit the road. I can't BEGIN to tell you - how utterly blown away I felt at FINALLY LEAVING this place and heading UP. It's been a LONG, dragged out, bloody, dusty, fiery, angst-ridden, pathetic time here and leaving it after a year and not seeing Jerusalem for almost 2 - well I was riveted to the window taking it all in, praying that the green trees, my pines, my blessed pines would remain with me as memory. The
Read more