Memory

Shavuot today
Receiving
Counting
Moving forward
Moving up
Gifts, bounty, knowledge
wisdom and understanding
in gratitude offered
First fruits

I try to remember how it was
in my childhood, this holiday
it doesn't come to me
Not even a flash
Complete segments wiped
clean from the recesses
I know that I felt
profound sadness this morning
as I prayed. And just kept crying
About the morning, a complete day
without Jesse.
My heart is filled with sorrow
being in this position of burying
him, being here, fixing my
family's generational trauma
and the weight of it all just so
heavy on my shoulders.
Probably too, the gifts would be
heavy too, and too much for one person
to carry by herself.
When did the bough break
When did it stop being good
and easy and fun and joyous?
At which juncture in life did it
happen?
What wrong turn?
I miss Jesse.
There is a void.
Buried under the pomegranate
Facing Jerusalem.
I would like to know
how is soul is faring.
For so much suffering surely
there has been a complete
rectification - and he is now
sitting amongst royalty
in the highest of gardens
free, blessed and holy.

Chag Sameach Jesse.
Chag Sameach Family.
Chag Sameach World.

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