Passover Diary - 2009 - Prayers Answered
I thought I would die last night. I was suffocating without air. The fear took the last breath from me till I decided between my cat gagging and my others coming over to comfort me to go outside in the night and simply ask for guidance. Should I run to the hospital now? It came to me - I must pray. In this mode of simply being out of body/out of mind it is simply herculean. I turn to Rabbi Meir Baal Haness who has never let me down. But I couldn't find the complete prayer that I had. I looked on the internet - it wasn't there either. Nevertheless, I lit a candle, put money in the tzedakah box and just said the words to call upon his intercession. For a miracle. Let the candle burn all night. Then took out my other means - Rabbi Aryeh Levin Z'L, the Lubavitcher Rebbe and the Book of Raziel - on top of this I recited the Prayer to Eliyahu Hanavi printed by Rabbi Leon Shlita. Then I went to the mezzuzah. Then I beseeched Hashem. I made promises. The night passed.
In the morning I called a taxi and we just went. Further into the desert where there just happens to be an animal hospital. My feline was calm and sat on my lap. We arrived, I explained. They sedated her. In 10 minutes the vetenarian emerges with long tweezers and a very long blade of soggy grass clasped in it. The grass she tried to eat wrapped itself around the trachea. There was blood in its removal. But she was breathing. Alive. I almost kissed him. I couldn't stop saying thank you. But to Hashem I still haven't been able to sing praises. We returned and I went to sleep. I awoke and she was still groggy.
My heart still hurts. My psyche hurts. I have been given a reprieve. But like other times I wait for another shoe to drop - as this has been the pattern. Time after time. And those that would teach say - it is because you don't heed to the message being said - so it is repeated and repeated - each time with more impact. That message is - Amalek? Remove him? Stop doubting? Believe? Trust? Regardless of appearances? In spite of them? And that is the test? And until it's learned fully and well, these crises will keep on coming up until you see that there is none other but Hashem? And it is He who puts the tweezers in the right place, the remedy in the mail, the balm to the wound and the moments of clarity between those of sheer panic and terror.
Now we enter a new holiday. I keep my loved ones with me. I ask only for protection for them. For myself - better times.
Chag Pesach - may all sacrifices be accepted.
In the morning I called a taxi and we just went. Further into the desert where there just happens to be an animal hospital. My feline was calm and sat on my lap. We arrived, I explained. They sedated her. In 10 minutes the vetenarian emerges with long tweezers and a very long blade of soggy grass clasped in it. The grass she tried to eat wrapped itself around the trachea. There was blood in its removal. But she was breathing. Alive. I almost kissed him. I couldn't stop saying thank you. But to Hashem I still haven't been able to sing praises. We returned and I went to sleep. I awoke and she was still groggy.
My heart still hurts. My psyche hurts. I have been given a reprieve. But like other times I wait for another shoe to drop - as this has been the pattern. Time after time. And those that would teach say - it is because you don't heed to the message being said - so it is repeated and repeated - each time with more impact. That message is - Amalek? Remove him? Stop doubting? Believe? Trust? Regardless of appearances? In spite of them? And that is the test? And until it's learned fully and well, these crises will keep on coming up until you see that there is none other but Hashem? And it is He who puts the tweezers in the right place, the remedy in the mail, the balm to the wound and the moments of clarity between those of sheer panic and terror.
Now we enter a new holiday. I keep my loved ones with me. I ask only for protection for them. For myself - better times.
Chag Pesach - may all sacrifices be accepted.
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