God. Listen.

Shalom God.

You see me day after day and I wonder what you know about me. Maybe you'd like to share what you have in mind for me? What is it about suffering that you want me to know? Certainly it's not optional because over 49 years I've chosen NOT to suffer, yet there it came in all its guises and disguises sucking the lifeforce from me. And you remained silent. Why? Do you care to tell me what it is that I did in previous lives to warrant what I've gone through since inception?

Do you know that I spoke to a rabbi who told me that I was suffering for clal yisrael? That doesn't help me in knowing that. I have undergone the horrors that You and I both know about. What do you ask from me that I already haven't given?

Job - Joy - there is little difference.

You allowed the Satan to suck the lifeforce out of him. You said you knew that Job would emerge with his faith in You. So you allowed it. And how long did his suffering endure? And how long has mine endured? And why don't you give me my reprieve? Why don't you answer?

Zilpah

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