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Heart Palpitations - Severe Panic Attack

I managed to drive myself into a full-blown panic attack. Mati is not eating, I went out to some neighbors to find an IV set, nobody had one, had one that was used at home, went back, Mati was outside, she entered not before I tried to give her something to eat, she took one bite and started to meow. I went into panic, administered her IV subq, she went outside again. In between preparations for Shabbat, everything from clothes, to salad, to cholent, to making her a slurry, to preparing colloidal silver to actually sewing together 3 blankets I managed to score at a thrift shop so that when people come over to sit on my sofa that I made, that it would be more comfortable. I sewed them together then folded everything and sewed it into half so the cushioning would be more. Now my heart is beating so fast. I tried everything from minerals to wine to weed, to breathing to not thinking now will pray. Shabbat Shalom of healing
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Nothing New Under the Sun

I am not sleeping, have not been sleeping well for years. Who really does know how long this hyperparathyroidism that I've managed to collect into me has been a resident. All I know is that for the past several years sleep has been elusive. I close my eyes, fall into slumber then awake throughout the night. My dreams elude as well. Now my face is unrecognizable. Black rings under eyes, face and tongue swollen and it is into this world I am born anew every day. For this I say: Modah Ani, because there is a plan. I know and it's only the channel of this lifetime that I need to change. Rememberances of sitting with my mother at a mental health clinic where she had regressed into a child-like state. Her age or mine I do not recall. There were so many instances where I, as human was not a cause or being to her and from that I grew consciousness about self and belonging. This theme has replayed itself so many times, it cannot be counted. I should be grateful. I should be. I would be....
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Every Breath I Take

On 02-02-2020, a good as day as any, I sit and ponder this blog out of commission for so long, being brought back to life, for the sheer laziness and opting out of confusion of starting a new one. This will do. So much has transpired since the last post, my mama cat Chichi passed, as did my 2 others, Jesse and Jordan. We moved, Chichi and Mati and I to the hills of Samaria, not before landing for a stint in Bnei Brak in my late mother's apartment; as we were homeless with no where else to go, my health failing and my mental status at an all time low. We were there for about 2 and a half years during which I had been suffering from intermittent arrhythmia and severe depression. I managed also to develop very strange rashes on my body. Not one doctor was able to say what was going on with me. I tried to focus on finding a more permanent home solution, a place to rest, to breathe fresh air, constantly on the lookout for one place and it did manifest at the last moment. But prior ...
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