Many pathways, some leading to light, many to darkness, the emergence of self from the inflicted afflictions to the Infinite Light. My journey from living to death.
Didn't sleep last night. A total haul to make myself available to Jerusalem and git there. Physically. Just make the bus that involves walking distances, getting to another city and then waiting for the bus. Had my schedule. Started out at 4:00 am. Just to be sure. Then went into automatic. Dressed in paint spattered clothes (on the inside - but still I knew), found other odds and ends to don myself with. Wrapped my head in a scarf and mandatory sunglasses and hit the road at 7 something. Arrived at the next destination - waited another 10 minutes - bus came and we hit the road. I can't BEGIN to tell you - how utterly blown away I felt at FINALLY LEAVING this place and heading UP. It's been a LONG, dragged out, bloody, dusty, fiery, angst-ridden, pathetic time here and leaving it after a year and not seeing Jerusalem for almost 2 - well I was riveted to the window taking it all in, praying that the green trees, my pines, my blessed pines would remain with me as memory. The...
I managed to drive myself into a full-blown panic attack. Mati is not eating, I went out to some neighbors to find an IV set, nobody had one, had one that was used at home, went back, Mati was outside, she entered not before I tried to give her something to eat, she took one bite and started to meow. I went into panic, administered her IV subq, she went outside again. In between preparations for Shabbat, everything from clothes, to salad, to cholent, to making her a slurry, to preparing colloidal silver to actually sewing together 3 blankets I managed to score at a thrift shop so that when people come over to sit on my sofa that I made, that it would be more comfortable. I sewed them together then folded everything and sewed it into half so the cushioning would be more. Now my heart is beating so fast. I tried everything from minerals to wine to weed, to breathing to not thinking now will pray. Shabbat Shalom of healing
Every relationship brings with it an emotional response. All senses that engage with an object bring with it some type of emotional response. When the mind and heart are coupled in unison with this emotional response a neuro pathway is reinforced. A cycle and a pattern are created. Foundations set into motion as they draw from the genetic material with additives of the experience, frequency, volatility and vibratory. It will be proven at some junction that these are in fact the foundation of Hebrew letters and the vowels, each permutation absorbed in infinite variations of sequences. So in unconsciousness this cycle/orbit is formed,, which becomes a *habit* of the mind and perpetuates throughout one's lifetime. The end result of every such reinforcement is what is known as the pay-off. The chemical release into the system that feeds the memory that is triggered by the cycle that stems from the original experience. It happens in a flash, as quick as light speed. It does...
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