Many pathways, some leading to light, many to darkness, the emergence of self from the inflicted afflictions to the Infinite Light. My journey from living to death.
I managed to drive myself into a full-blown panic attack. Mati is not eating, I went out to some neighbors to find an IV set, nobody had one, had one that was used at home, went back, Mati was outside, she entered not before I tried to give her something to eat, she took one bite and started to meow. I went into panic, administered her IV subq, she went outside again. In between preparations for Shabbat, everything from clothes, to salad, to cholent, to making her a slurry, to preparing colloidal silver to actually sewing together 3 blankets I managed to score at a thrift shop so that when people come over to sit on my sofa that I made, that it would be more comfortable. I sewed them together then folded everything and sewed it into half so the cushioning would be more. Now my heart is beating so fast. I tried everything from minerals to wine to weed, to breathing to not thinking now will pray. Shabbat Shalom of healing
Two trips to the ER in less than 7 days. Things are not what they could be. It could be better. It could be sublime. It could be paradise. It could be a whole new world. Like looking down at a departed body, I am that soul. In sorrow I find myself in this state. It could be so many things and then it could all be chalked down to my parathyroid. Or not. For every 10 doctors seen, 10 different opinions and everyone seems to be missing the mark. It would appear that this is not ordinary, because if it were, logic computes, there would be stats, labs to support a systematic malady, one symptom of which being elevated PTH. Perhaps even daring to venture and hypothesize by adding another and that would be elevated blood pressure inclusive of pain. I'd like to say it was a beautiful day, the elegance of green emerging from grey is splendid and the birds' forthcoming banter is uplifting to the mind body. Yes, said but not quite felt. It seems I move through air with a heaviness of b...
It seems this is a constant. My beloved Mati, who has been with me and I with her for the last 15 years is sick. I don't know what is going on, it basically started with a new brand of food. Vomit ensued and then being spaced out, behavior changes and now she is outside again after being outdoors for most of the day. I don't know where she is or what she is doing. The last time she had bloodwork done was last year, indicators of thyroid and kidney issues. It was wait and watch, which I have been doing in between my own health challenges. She simply does not look well and to take her to a vet - among the vets that I know - who will do what they know so well, to take blood and stress her out, that's not even talking about how to get there - bus or hitchhiking, worst nightmare. Is she eating grass to alleviate her nausea now? Is she going to hide under a tree to find solace? I tried to give her something to eat, she took a bite, pale and frail that she is and just refused the ...
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