So long
it's been since
last posting.
oh well.
just thought it would
be interesting
to write something
in lieu of the last
few years and their impact.
reaching now ground zero
where there is nothingness
all around just
empty space
not caring
not attached
just accepting
and being in the pain
not fighting
surrendering
I spent all day in bed
reading resting contemplating
trying hard to not think
just to be clearing
cobwebs from the mind
finding solace in quiet, clean air
and the fan.
Tomorrow I should have been on my way to Yahud.
To visit Yehudah Ben Yaakov.
Unfortunately I missed my chair in trying to sit
and fell down hard on the stone floor
I can still feel my legs
I believe it is a sprain or maybe a hairline fracture
of the coccyx
Regardless - it is painful
I should be grateful that I didnt kill myself
as I've heard these things happen
from time to time.
Heart Palpitations - Severe Panic Attack
I managed to drive myself into a full-blown panic attack. Mati is not eating, I went out to some neighbors to find an IV set, nobody had one, had one that was used at home, went back, Mati was outside, she entered not before I tried to give her something to eat, she took one bite and started to meow. I went into panic, administered her IV subq, she went outside again. In between preparations for Shabbat, everything from clothes, to salad, to cholent, to making her a slurry, to preparing colloidal silver to actually sewing together 3 blankets I managed to score at a thrift shop so that when people come over to sit on my sofa that I made, that it would be more comfortable. I sewed them together then folded everything and sewed it into half so the cushioning would be more. Now my heart is beating so fast. I tried everything from minerals to wine to weed, to breathing to not thinking now will pray. Shabbat Shalom of healing
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