The Path to a Healing Heart

Response to someone about King David's not *acting* upon Tamar's rape..... OK - I was struck by your message because it was huge. And it was also something that I myself never delved into. And so I did. And I read the part in the Book of Samuel that deals with this whole saga from its inception with Amnon to the *invervention* of Abshalom to the final deed to the *quiet* response of King David and arrived at my own conclusion based on my knowledge of who exactly King David was - son, shepherd, lover, husband, father, servant, warrior and king. And that is - King David didn't act upon this in the ways that we know or are familiar with. He fumed, yes. He was insane with confusion, yes. Did he act - directly against Amnon? No. What did the King of Israel do? He prayed. He went to war. He put his life on the line. He wrote psalms, isolated himself, sat with ashes and sackcloth and prayed to God. He did this in silence and privacy. Just him and God. Even Samuel the prophet who w...

Seems to be a constant theme. First under verbal abuse. Then under missile attack. Then under rock attack. Theme. Was thinking about Nasrallah today. I never did anything to him. Never uttered a word against or for anything. Never took a stand this way or that. Politics just never occurred to me. Like a missing gene. If anything I stayed away from it. Sickened me. And here I was in Tzfat - the city of mystics 2006 under a barrage attack with 600 katyusha missiles zipping over and by me, whizzing and shrieking and blasting away every shred of my consciousness that still remained intact. I huddled in a room about 10x10 meters. Filth and dust, remnants of it being a warehouse, now a suitable dwelling place, cleaned and emptied by my son who wanted me to have a taste of Woodstock in Israel. And for 4 months I writhed and kvetched to God Almighty why of all places I had to wind up there where it seemed the pain was more fervent and acute than in any other place on earth during that phase of...

Broken sukkah - there's no one to ask for help. Stones thrown at my house once again. A barrage. Before Yom Kippur. Could not sit in a community house of worship where people want me dead. Have no where to go. No one to speak to. Days pass, holidays go, years pass - no one can I speak to. No one understands. And it is useless to speak. Enough words. I sleep through holidays. I drug myself till I can't feel anymore. I hide from barrages of stones. I fear for my life in a lawless place. Every where I go - it is the same story. The damaged one, the leper and the AIDS carrier. The one to spit at and curse and this is my karma. This is the way it needs to be. And the end is near for me. I know it. I have it planned out. And so it will be. And there will be the final release. No more pain. No more pain. No more pain. No more pain. I am at the end of the road. Wish me luck.